OK, I am telling you, I loved this man (well then, boy) since the first day I laid eyes on him. Yes, I was 5... and maybe it wasn't TRUE love at that time.... but there was some definite butterflies in my stomach! So... when I actually did fall in REAL LOVE with him... in 11th grade (before then, it was more of a crush thing) I thought there was no way I could ever love him more than I did when I was watching him walk down the road to his farm, in the sunset, with Pokar his dog, covered in cow poop, in his work boots, wearing jeans and a green t-shirt, in the middle of summer when it was hot and green, and Tim McGraw was playing on my CD Player in the "lude". Yes, this is border line crazy, to have such vivid memories. To love someone that young... only 17. But, this kid was my future husband... and I knew it in my stomach and in my heart.
So, several years later (I'm going to skip over the breakups) we are married and I think again... OK, now I SERIOUSLY know that I cannot love this man more than I do today. Awesomeness is the only word to describe it. Then, the years of infertility passed and we had some hard times in our journey, but he held me when I cried and was mad and hateful and broken hearted and scared and depressed and a mess. I loved him a little bit more. He was always there for me. He put things bluntly and didn't sugar coat it... "we might never have our "own" babies... but that didn't matter" he said. He told me it didn't matter where our babies came from. He told me that even if we adopted that he knew with all his heart that I had a heart that could love that baby no matter what the circumstances were and that's why he married me. OK, REALLY LOVING HIM. Well, we prayed, and prayed, and fasted, and cried, and prayed, and hoped, and fasted, and prayed. And when the LAST month of my fertility medicine was up... we found out we were pregnant. And only a short 9 months later... a Father was born.
Look:
So, several years later (I'm going to skip over the breakups) we are married and I think again... OK, now I SERIOUSLY know that I cannot love this man more than I do today. Awesomeness is the only word to describe it. Then, the years of infertility passed and we had some hard times in our journey, but he held me when I cried and was mad and hateful and broken hearted and scared and depressed and a mess. I loved him a little bit more. He was always there for me. He put things bluntly and didn't sugar coat it... "we might never have our "own" babies... but that didn't matter" he said. He told me it didn't matter where our babies came from. He told me that even if we adopted that he knew with all his heart that I had a heart that could love that baby no matter what the circumstances were and that's why he married me. OK, REALLY LOVING HIM. Well, we prayed, and prayed, and fasted, and cried, and prayed, and hoped, and fasted, and prayed. And when the LAST month of my fertility medicine was up... we found out we were pregnant. And only a short 9 months later... a Father was born.
Look:
It makes me cry... every time I look at it. This is one of the most sacred and precious moments of my life. Watching my husband turn into a father and stare at his son with such admiration, love, and devotion. It was a VERY VERY tender mercy from the Lord.This day... I knew, I could never love him more. EVER. My heart was so full... I just couldn't imagine loving him one more little bit. I watched him raise Danzer, he LOVES this little boy more than anything in the world. He would rush home from work, to sneak into his room to stare at him while he slept in his crib. He laid his hand on his chest, for three VERY long nights, to make sure he was breathing when he had RSV. He taught him how to truly OBSESS over a tractor. He took him on so many adventures. Hours and hours of putting pipes together and chasing cows. He showed him how much he loved his wife and his family by spending time with them, especially his Grandpa Jack. He was an amazing dad... right from the start. I was like the Grinch... my heart just got bigger and bigger and bigger from all that love growing inside. It surely couldn't get ANY bigger.
But..... then.... a little girl decided to pop in for a surprise....
The love he has for this little lady is remarkable. He shows her, every day, how much he loves her. He melts with her kisses. He cherishes his time with her. He shows her how a husband really truly loves his wife through example every day.OK, now REALLY, seriously, I couldn't love him a pinch more. My heart would seriously burst.
Hayden is the best daddy I have ever seen. He loves our kids more than I can try to squeeze out of these dumb English words. There just isn't a word to describe it.
Hayden has given all of us the most sacred gift... the gift of an Eternal Marriage and Family. He will be my husband forever... even when he's old and dies (I tease him that he will die old and wrinkled from just plain being tired from arguing with me ;) I'm a little hard headed. Slightly.) and he isn't here anymore... his role as a Father has not ended... it has only begun. We are sealed together, forever.
Hayden, thanks hon, for asking me. Thanks for seeing something in me that a lot of people (including myself) don't see. Thanks for loving me so much it drives you crazy. Thanks for being such an awesome dad- so fun- so loving- so hilarious- so hard working- so unique and rare. But most of all, thanks, for putting your family first. We love you more and more every.single.day.
Love, Me
